1. There really is no correlation between one’s confidence and the quality of work one produces. And for that reason alone it’s really amazing to meet (in person) folks who have a strong online presence and personal brand.
For the shy, for the falsely humble, for those who have yet to learn how to push that ego out of the way and say “this is my work,” know that:
“The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensities.” – William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming.
So yeah quit that false humility shit but don’t be a hype man for some bs.
2. I’m really doing this writing thing. Like, it’s not a game.
3. Some poll says only 25% of black women want to be in committed relationships. This is weird when you compare it to the percentage for black men: 43%. And when you consider what the media has been saying about single, lonely ass black women. I’m too lazy to go look for the originally published data and survey. I actually don’t care about the numbers. I’m curious about black women who want something other than traditional ways of monogamous commitment.
Really I’m just curious about me.
I used to reject marriage. I used to say that I had issues with commitment. (There was that one time that I had to remind myself to breathe at the very moment the boy I was having fun with expressed his interest in something serious and long-term and ceremonious.)
Then a friend told me that there was not a finite amount relationship types. That just because I hadn’t found comfort in the options I was presented didn’t mean that I would be forced into something (like forever-lonely-singleness) by default. She told me that it was up to me to decide what I wanted. To create what I wanted.
Go figure, I could create the life I wanted.
4. Sometimes I hear other folks’ stories and I introject their narratives. This week it was Dambudzo Marechera:
“It was also at Oxford that Marechera’s lasting affair with alcohol really began, an affair that was to reach a colorful apogee at the Guardian fiction prize ceremony where he shattered the face of the genteel British publishing establishment by hurling plates and wine bottles at the chandeliers. He carried too much baggage, was too sensitive, too uncompromising to really fit into British society—or to lie low like other African students did, focusing on their studies, counting the days until they returned to their countries. He was also temperamentally unsuited for the student life; his approach to literature and to learning was too personal, too subjective for the university curriculum that encouraged a more uniform and regimented approach.”
He died at age 35, homeless. It seems he really grappled with issues of the world and his place in it. Some people really can’t just numb that shit and keep it moving.
5. I really have a limited vocabulary so I’m proud of myself for using the word “introject” in that last thought. Though I’m not sure if I’ve used it correctly.
6. I haven’t finished reading this opinion on The Essayification of Essays but I like the ideas of essays as “attempts”, as something that asks you to get comfortable with ambivalence.
7. I’ve been wanting to hold a baby a lot lately.